We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
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