You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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