dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
