I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
