I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
