I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize