I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
