Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
