i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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