ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
