so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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