Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
