I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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