and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
