farters have to be the big spoon...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
