If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
