I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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