This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
