non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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