we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
