how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
