I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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