i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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