Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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