it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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