As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
