hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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