Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
