This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you will always have a special place in my vag
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
