And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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