Me. At least after what I've been through.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
