Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
