the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
