Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
