Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
