was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
