FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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