I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
