he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
