he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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