can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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