Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
