That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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