another moral hangover. fuck.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
