shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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