my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
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