then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
