wrigley field is MILF paradise
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I need moral support for this bender
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
