I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Randomize
