At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
