my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
