I can text with my tongue
thus making me awesome and them whores
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
