I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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