Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
should my penis look like a turkey
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
