What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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