You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
