i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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