Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
