Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
