yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
