There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
