Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
