reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
