im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
