i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I want her autograph on my taint
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
