Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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