Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
