Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
