I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
