i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize