We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
