just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
