It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
