I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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