He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize