everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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