My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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