She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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