oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
